Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
