I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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