Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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