the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
