i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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