How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
