i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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