I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
