i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I cut my penus on the lid.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
