Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
