I forgot how hot balto sounded
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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