so explain again why im purple
no
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
