I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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