guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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