There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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