Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
