AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
