I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
