is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
