Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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