Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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