It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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