If that was your dad, he is hot
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
