i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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