My underwear smells like fireworks.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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