we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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