That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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