Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
