a queef is a wish your heart makes.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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