I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
