well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
