Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize