If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
