the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
