Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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