Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
