arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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