saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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