from now on my penis is your penis
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize