I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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