Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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