Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
