If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
