I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
