I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
