I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
