this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
