I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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