Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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