If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
