literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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