i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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