This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
