i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
try to milk me bitch
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
