I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
