They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
i think im in europe. pls send help
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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