Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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