the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Text me some of your sweat
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
