sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
