Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
