life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
